Chairman’s Business networking Blog Thursday 20th March 2014.
19 members present with 2 guests Greg Simpson from Ashes Storage and Alex Toon of Print Management.
Yes, that right, Greg Simpson’s business does just what it says on the tin….. providing temporary storage for the ashes of deceased pets and human beings. As befitting a visitor invited by Brian Painter the prospect of Greg joining us creates visions in my mind of a series of 60 second presentations that would either make my sides ache or my stomach turn. Please join Greg, there are various animals living near my house that I would happily cremate in order to provide referrals to you.
We entered the 60 second round therefore on an optimistic note.
Michael Adelizzi was first up and once again told of how invaluable his services are to aged of Upminster. Not a wet room this time but an elderly lady who wanted a mirror cabinet. The upshot of his story was that his fitter obtained a large tip and Tina was left frantically ringing the bell after approximately 80 seconds had elapsed.
If the first 60 seconds was all about mirror cabinets for bathrooms, Allan Moller told of fitting a fan in a bathroom where there was no mould. Once again Tina was left frantically ringing the bell.
If the first two offerings were bizarre the third offering was from Mr off the wall himself, Alan Shaw. Apparently he has been liaising on behalf of a client with an enforcement officer from the local authority regarding a storage shed at the end of a garden that had attracted the wrath of neighbours. Apparently Alan made four people happy with his heroic actions and, once again amidst the frantic ringing of the bell he declared that this was the sort of business that he did not want. Let’s go out and not find him some of the same.
It was therefore with something of a relief that Marcelle told us of aquamarine being the stone of the month and that if you did not want aquamarine then you should have diamonds. Not only was it on topic but it was in time…no frantic ringing of the bell by Tina.
Chris Sadler uses mobile studios at weddings and is looking for black tie venues. This would seem to me to encompass funerals.
Things now started to settle down with Stuart Smallcombe explaining about relocating a client in Billericay High Street and then suddenly banking became bizarre when Jenni Pritchard stood up boasting of Barclay’s flexibility in opening accounts for more obscure foreign investors but expressing a yearning for normality and seeking introductions to sensible local businesses. She was apparently looking forward to getting her teeth into a builder.
Kevin Brooks tried to make himself look small at this stage, although when he stood up he was to ask for “big jobs”. What he calls big included 3 oak staircases in one house, a true measure of opulence even if one of them was there to accommodate a stair lift.
Brian Painter was looking for referrals from people who were suffering from stress. As with his cure for smoking, he illustrated the condition by providing a list of things that demonstrate that you are suffering from stress. Apparently anyone of them would do; I have to confess to suffering from all of them yet I was feeling quite cheerful.
As if to maintain the rather bizarre theme David Plumley, who hitherto had excelled himself in remembering who he was, what his function was within the leadership team, and delivering fairly succinct Education Slot on the 60 second round lost it completely. He was advertising his bolt-on extras, forgot what they were, finally remembered and talked about Aunty Virus, who is obviously a close relation of his and might even be acquainted with Alan Shaw.
Terry Maylin issued 15 County Court summonses yesterday, don’t take his word for it, I am a witness who received a blow by blow account of each one…I can confirm that it made him very happy and his description almost won him the Oscar accolade. However it went this week to Jay French who quite unashamedly was looking for individuals who had surplus money and not enough time to know what to do with it. The answer is that they should contact Jay and arrange to visit all of the following; Ascot, Henley, the Monaco Grand Prix, and the O2. I suspect the rarefied circles that we all move in will limit us to looking for referrals for him to visit the O2 but…hey ho…we can all dream.
Talking of dreams, apparently the Brentwood Syndicate for the lottery had 2 wins which did not produce enough winnings for one person to buy a drink at the O2, let alone Ascot, Henley or Monaco. Scott has promised to put round the details again as I wish to be part of a syndicate of winners, albeit of modest sums.
Talking of modest sums, recorded business was just short of £7,000.00 but it is only as a result of some stupendous figures that we see this as being modest.
I cannot sign off without mentioning Jenni Pritchard again as it was her 10 minutes presentation which was very confidently presented. What none of us knew about her was that she has done quite a lot of singing including, apparently, professionally for a while. Her approach and presentation turned out to be music to all of our ears as she extolled the virtues of “Ping it”. This is an electronic method of dealing with banking transactions, is ideally suited for ordering a round of coffees at Costa Coffee and is extremely helpful if you are holding on to a leaking pipe with one hand and contacting and paying a plumber with the other, at the same time looking after the kids. A banking “Wonder Woman” has emerged in our midsts and we should take every advantage of recommending people to her. She is a worthy successor to Jason.
I know I have been rattling on about visitors but I made no apology. Next week is the last week of March when our extremely generous discounts on joining will be available. Please try and make contact with all of those people you worked so hard to cultivate prior to the visitors meeting, let’s see if we can get several visitors next week. Please note the visitor of the week that we should be paying particular attention to is someone from the motor trade.
If everyone could make just one telephone call between now and Thursday in chasing at least one visitor it might well bear fruit;
I look forward to seeing you all next week.