Leadership Team abducted by aliens…

Guest Blog post, written by the Mayor of Gants Hill Village, Vince Goode.

Thursday 17^th May was a lovely sunny morning, however not only were we deficient by at least 14 members, but the entire leadership team were replaced, as if by osmosis, by exact replicas. These imposters, although clearly a much more handsome lot than the usual fodder, consisted of Paul Booth at right back, Terry Maylin at left back, and Brian Painter playing the Franz Beckenbauer sweeper role.

We did benefit however from 3 shiny visitors, who certainly brought a bit of glamour to the table.

The naughty corner was also depleted this week, but the two-man naughty combo of Dean Caldon and Howard Bullock, more than compensated for their friends’ absence, by talking amongst themselves and generally misbehaving. We wouldn’t want them any other way.

Performance League

Vying for position at the top of the league, and within touching distance of a Champions League spot, are Saj Sreedharan in 3^rd place, Matt Berry in 2^nd, and currently sitting smugly at the top, Paul Booth.

Education Presentation

This week’s presenter was Alan Shaw, who told us something about houses. If anyone present can expand on this, please comment below. We all felt strangely educated after this though…

The 60 Second Round

We were instructed that this week we all had to tell a bad joke as part of our minute. So Mike Rogers duly kicked off the proceedings by informing us that the Post Office are now selling new mortgage products. I didn’t get the punchline, but it was a hilarious start, which really set the tone.

Vincent Goode told us that although you spend your life trying to be popular, the number of people present at your funeral will be largely dependent on the weather. Referring to his printed order of service booklets, he finished with his very catchy memory hook “if you’re gonna die, I’m your guy”.

Alan Shaw told us that he was sitting in a bar when a giraffe walked in saying “the high balls are on me!” Not great, but at least we finally got a joke.

Jo Eastwood didn’t have a joke prepared, but told us she would like to share Alan Shaw’s offering.

Saj Sreedharan posed the question “what’s a pirate’s favourite cheese?” “Cheddaaaarrrr!”

John Hammond reminded us what the cheese said when it looked in the mirror. “Halloumi”

Brian Painter spoke about claustrophobia. It certainly feels like you’re in broom cupboard when having a conversation with Brian (I was told to say that). His joke concerned a ham sandwich walking into a bar. “I’m sorry we don’t serve food”.

Graphic Designer Matt Barry said “I’m very font of you, you’re just my type”. Not sure if that was justified (Matt will understand that).

John Freeman likes the easy peasy jobs. In fact, he said he would like to pop into you on the way home for a quick one.

Paul Booth was in Brentwood High Street on Saturday. There was a TV for sale in the window for £1, although the volume button was stuck on loud. Paul said: “I can’t turn that one down”.

The Oscar

Judging by the quality on display this morning, it was clear there would be only one winner, and last week’s champion Ben Golding, duly awarded the Oscar deservedly to Vincent Goode.

This weeks statistics and points of note

• 18 members present
• 3 visitors
• 11 referrals
• £7300.00 worth of business recorded
• 1^st 2 weeks of May, 47 referrals and £41.045 business passed

10 minute presentation

Due to a technical problem, Kelly Walker’s presentation has been pushed forward to next Thursday. Instead we enjoyed a lively Q & A session. Although I think this would have been much more challenging as an A & Q session.

Referrals & Testimonials

Despite the low attendance, plenty of business was passed between the members. As Ben Golding is off on holiday next week, it was decided that Piggy should go into kennels. We have found the perfect place: THE HOLIDAY HOME FOR PET PIES LIMITED.