Chairman’s Business Networking Blog, Tuesday 12th August 2014
I am writing this Blog in the evening of the aforementioned date whilst casting my mind over the events of the morning and how I should report them to you.
August is traditionally the “silly season” and lots of us are away on holiday and numbers are traditionally down. We mustered 14.
We had received appropriate apologies from missing persons and as the day unfolded the members email revealed in more detail the whereabouts at breakfast time of Ian Nicholson and Christine Arnold.
Notable for their hitherto unblemished attendance record (give or take holidays) a very public breast-beating and explanation giving took place. As a result of this I thought I would dedicate this Blog to our two esteemed and yet absent members.
Christine and Ian, you missed a treat but to compensate for this I will try and describe the events of the morning as clearly as I can.
Nige Kirby resplendent as always in his shorts (but without his weighing machine, it will apparently happen next week!) Delivered an Ed Slot which had a theme of the 1-2-1 and its benefits.
Next, perhaps the high point of the meeting, was the Business Card box. It was sent off round the table with the usual admonitions from me to add to it your cards and take away those of others. This week however we had the much heralded introduction of Jim Henshaw’s new cards which were ceremoniously exchanged before the meeting started. You should have seen the child like expressions of pleasure crossing all members faces as they dipped into the box and extracted the new card. They examined them very carefully, holding them up to the light, dropping baked beans on them and generally muttering approval over this iconic calling card. There is indeed a possibility that it will become a collector’s piece, so next week when you are here and with us, make sure you bag yours. If you want to know the difference between the two cards, the old and the new, ask Stuart Sinclair!!!
By now, Ian and Christine, you no doubt regretting that lie in…..well eat your respective hearts out as I am now going to describe the 60 round.
It was a round punctuated by OOOHs and AAAHs as the various members performed.
Ian Stanley was looking for people with expensive existing storage
Chris Vernon trumpeted that the essence of a good kitchen was good design and sent round photos to prove it and Nige Kirby was looking for anything that a pipe would fit into.
Robert Osborne defying convention, basically described exactly how he dealt with his customers in obtaining a mortgage for them. Dr Deb in no way phased by her upcoming 10 minute slot waxed lyrical over her nutritional range of antioxidants, deliciously chilled pouches and things that were mood lifting, she declared herself alive…to be fair by comparison to some of the other members round the table she probably was.
Jim Henshaw, secure in the knowledge that with his new card we all knew who he was, described what a nuclear family was and that for £15.00 per month you could insure yourself in the event of illness and inability to work an income of £1,500.00.
Brian Painter described double backwards somersaults. When I use the word described, I use it with its normal meaning. Do not have in your minds our worthy Hypnotherapist in leotard, spinning up into the air. He was describing a 14 year old gymnast whom he saved from the fear of flying…by way of a double backwoods somersault.
Stuart Sinclair is always good for a magazine, this week we got the Rayleigh one and we should be looking out for potential Rayleigh clients for him.
Paul Lefever countered Dr Deb’s green credentials by warning us that any faulty workmanship around the plug would leave a nasty green stain. He was still recovering a Saturday job that went pear shaped so he wasn’t himself.
Lewis Hackney was telling us all how we should be sealing our driveways and describing the appropriate acrylic liquid would give a good finish. Adam Hotson was his usual soothing self explaining why, if we valued our lives with HMRC, we should consult him. I produced a Bull Dog Clip as a prop.
So who won the Oscar I hear both of you asking!! When Chris Adams stood up, juggled with and then dropped a lap top on the floor with a resounding crash, then demonstrated exactly what would happen to lap tops if we don’t protect them in always, including by way of his services, he won the Oscar. And before you leap to our email facility or the comment column at the bottom of this Blog to enquire, it was an old lap top and it was deliberately dropped for dramatic effect.
By now I suspect you are both weeping tears of frustration that you were not there. Ian and Christine, cry your eyes out because you missed a sensational 10 minutes from Dr. Deb who successfully manipulated the television to produce a really first class 10minutes presentation. Yes…she even gave a summary of what she was going to say, said it, and then summarized what she had said.
I am now avidly leafing through her catalogue revelling in the thought that there are hundreds of her products which even a vegan would use that will make you skin as soft as a baby’s bottom.
I almost forgot! During the meeting Scott Griffiths had us all doing the business networking Bingo; when we weren’t looking in awe at Jim Henshaw’s cards or looking up to see who had dropped that lap top, we concentrated on this particular form of Housey-Housey. It was after the 60 second round that I must have uttered the appropriate word and Paul Lefever shouted Bingo. Scott had said that there would be a prize but just being there and taking part was a prize in its self.
I feel that I must round off this Blog by wishing Christine a speeding recovery and best wishes to Ian’s wife following her surgery.
If you all remain stimulated please comment in this Blog but otherwise in the hope of greater numbers to come I look forward to seeing you all next week. I suspect Christine and Ian will be there at 6 am.